Are you experiencing low desire for intimacy? Does your partner want to have sex more than you do? Do you wish you could balance desire discrepancy? Or have you given up and stopped talking about it?
I used to be the “low desire” partner in my relationship. Until I started waking up to my sensuality and getting really honest about what turns me on. It’s been a long (and continuing) journey but now my partner and I are pretty equal on the desire scale. It’s so yummy!
How did I find this balance? I identified and worked through these following 8 reasons for low sexual desire.
Want to know what they are?
8 REASONS YOU MAY BE EXPERIENCING LOW DESIRE
1. You have had a long of history of “friction sex” ie. sex that is not very pleasurable to you.
*Although a part of you may put up with “friction sex” for years and even receive some pleasure from giving pleasure, a part of you feels that it is unfair and unbalanced. A part of you knows that sex is supposed to be better. This part starts to feel jipped and resentful over time.
2. You don’t like how your body looks or feels. Your body image is negative.
* This is a product of a society that values the cookie cutter slim, trim, standardized look we see all over billboards, magazines and advertising everywhere. How many women actually look like this? If you don’t like how you look or feel in your body, it is hard to want to share it with someone else or to enjoy sex!
3. Your emotional centres (heart and belly) don’t feel safe with your partner.
*This is a huge key to women opening up sexually. We cannot get totally turned on if we don’t feel seen, heard, held and connected. It is part of our biology to create and prioritize bonding, over lust and passion. So if we are not with a partner who gives us space to emote, breathe and feel fully, we simply cannot open up sexually.
4. Your past sexual and life trauma has shut down parts of your brain and shut off connections between parts of your brain and body.
*It’s so sad to say that pretty much none of us are exempt from this. If you are born in a woman’s body you have been given the programming that says sexual desire in women is dirty, dangerous, and taboo. Most of us have experiences to back up these beliefs. Breaking through them can feel like going against the grain of society!
5. Your Intimacy Blueprint ™ is not being met or matched by your partner.
*Each of us have an inner “script” for how sex should go in order for us to get totally into it, to feel what we really want to feel from sex, and to have a great orgasm or receive great pleasure. The trouble is that everyone is different. And we don’t talk about it with our partners. If your Intimacy Blueprint™ is not being sparked, it will simply not register as an erotic experience for you like it could for someone else!
*Stay tuned for more info on your unique Intimacy Blueprint™. I am currently developing an online quiz to help you determine yours!*
6. You may simply be too tired or too stressed out.
* For your body to become sexually aroused, you need to relax. You need energy for sex. If you are running yourself too low and not taking care of yourself, if you are not able to relax and rejuvenate, your body will simply seek rest over sex!
7. Low desire for sex can be a product of hormonal imbalance.
*If you are in or approaching menopause, you may be low in progesterone, estrogen or both. This affects energy, mood, and libido. At a time when your body is working hard to find biochemical balance, sex can be great. However it can be hard to find the inspiration especially if you don’t have tools and tricks to lean on from earlier times!
8. You are putting pressure on yourself to perform or “do sex” perfectly.
*The dance of intimacy with a partner is complex and multi-faceted. There is no wrong or right way to do sex. Desires, boundaries and preferences are constantly changing. But if you are someone who likes to get things perfect it makes it tough to be flexible to the needs of your partner and yourself. Perfectionism can set you up for disappointment and rigidity (inauthentic connection) which gets old fast.
Recognize yourself in any of these? Over the next few months I will be sharing with you some ways to approach these blocks and resolve them. Sexual healing and empowerment comes from starting to know yourself better, receiving support, and then starting to share who you really are with a lover.
Check out my Youtube Channel for videos on intimacy wellness, women’s empowerment, and juicy loving!
Love is Your Nature,
– Zoey Wren