Does your partner want more sex than you? Is your desire for sex lower or nonexistent than his? Are you a woman who waits for sex to be over, or fakes orgasm? Do you tell yourself that you don’t really want or need sex? If so, it could be that you believe the real you is too much for your partner.
So first, let’s get something straight. Your body was made for pleasure. Otherwise the Creator would not have given you a clitoris. Your clitoris has no other function than to release hormones that make you feel good. So why aren’t you enjoying yourself more?
Women need emotional connection in order to open up in the bedroom. When we open our hearts, we can open our legs. Unfortunately, many of us were taught to close our legs, to be quiet, to stop complaining, to stop wanting things, stop asking questions, to suppress our desires and to take care of others instead. As a result we have come to believe that we are” too much.”
In my recent healing process around sex, my husband has been holding space for a colourful collection of emotions. They range from excitement, rapture, jubilation, to fear, anger, frustration, grief, confusion, and even disgust. They show up in the ways I resist foreplay, arousal, intercourse, and orgasm. Even though I don’t want to. When these emotions arise I feel fragile and vulnerable. I feel I shouldn’t be so negative or “unsexy.” But my range of emotions is actually calling us both to presence and healing. So I asked my husband to chime in on “too much” syndrome. This is what he shared:
”Honey, if you had told me years ago how important your emotions are to feeling connected and intimate with me, if you told me that your emotions are the key to satisfying and healthy sex for you, I would have listened. I am listening now. And I am learning so much from you!”
Frame it with sex and it will pretty much get a guy’s attention. Because guys are fighting on their side of the fence with feeling they are too much sexually! It is actually how they can understand how women feel emotionally.
Relationship requires risk. It requires risking how you’ve been programmed. But what you are actually risking is being your whole authentic self, with a partner who might just start doing the same. But, taking this risk, for both of you, is the moment when a real relationships starts.
If you would like to talk more about creating your authentic relationship and how to navigate all the feelings that come along with it, click on this link for a free Love Empowerment Session.
I look forward to talking to you! You are not too much!