It’s almost Valentine’s Day!

What calls to you on Valentine’s Day?

For a lot of people V-Day can bring up the pressure to be romantic, to say the right thing, to do the right thing. For others it can bring up sadness and longing to be with an ideal partner. For some others it’s a fun opportunity to shower your beloved with treats and pampering, to splurge on a fancy hotel, dinner, dancing, gifts.

Whether or not you are in a great relationship, or want to be in one, or just want to feel your own romantic power and finesse, I thought it would be fun to focus on FLIRTING this Valentine’s Day.

So if you want to improve your flirting skills, READ ON…

Flirting is natural. It doesn’t need to lead to anything. You don’t have to be single to flirt. It is natural because babies do it all the time. Babies smile and hide and play shy. They try to get your attention. They shine their hearts wide open. So why is flirting challenging and scary for some of us grown ups?

Because somewhere down the line we lost it. Or we had it trained out of us. Or we encountered a truly unsafe result from doing so.

But when flirting is done well it doesn’t feel icky or slimy. It doesn’t feel like pressure or coercion. Flirting is actually about celebrating YOURSELF! It’s about being willing to have fun shining your light with another for a moment.

If you find flirting intimidating or un-natural here are a few tips to try this Valentine’s Day!

One. Flirting can either be initiated or received. If you want to initiate, simply try planting a compliment. It’s a good opener. Compliment their clothing or hair or accessories or their smile or energy. If you want to receive, practice owning your own good qualities. Tell yourself in the mirror “you are beautiful, you are hot, you are sexy, you are amazing!” Then when you hear it from others you can say “Thanks for noticing!” Another great line when someone is flirting with you and you get clammed up is: “You have excellent taste.”

Two. Be yourself. Flirting is really about acknowledging the other person and yourself, rather than dismissing a connection. It doesn’t need to be complicated. Simply make eye contact. Smile. See what happens next…

Three. Laugh at any jokes. It deflects nervous energy. Also, take a chance and poke fun at yourself. You don’t need to be an accomplished stand-up comedian. Just fumble your way through. Flirting is all about being non-serious. And it’s vulnerable. Vulnerability is what creates the connection!

Four. Follow the energy. Flirting can last a few seconds or 5 minutes. Stay in the connection only as long as it feels good. Then tease your way out. Flirting is all about teasing!

Five. Leave your left brain out of it. Having a moment of flirtation doesn’t have to mean anything. That is the whole point. It is frivolous, fantastical, naughty, implausible, improbable, probing but not demanding. It is a momentary toss into uncertainty, a moment of “inappropriateness” perhaps, but both people are consenting. It doesn’t require follow through. That is why it is fun and confidence building. It allows you to own your sexiness, your wit, your beauty; your charm – AS YOURS!

Have fun flirting and let me know how it goes. I’d really like to know.

And Post Script. When not to flirt:

When a person’s energy doesn’t feel good

When you feel stressed or pressured by it

When you just plain don’t want to

Please don’t place yourself into unsafety in the name of flirting prowess.

Check in with your body. You may be on an edge, you may feel wobbly or in a rush of excitement. But it should feel good and fun!

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Love is your Nature,

– Zoey