Have you ever heard the advice for couples to never go to bed angry? My husband and I used to have that rule.  It was difficult at times when we didn’t have time to connect until just before bed.  Disagreements and grievances arose and we could sometimes be talking until 1 am.  All the verbal processing left us exhausted.
 
The other day I remarked and how much easier we move through arguments with our new somatic tools.  My husband and I were having a financial meeting, which is always an edgy topic for us.I used to feel useless and like a failure when it came to making money.  In this instance, I fell into feeling like everything was my fault and that I was wrecking our lives.   My inner child had temporarily taken a hold.I felt victimized and like throwing blame.  Instead, I turned to my somatic tools.I tuned into my body to see what she was feeling.  I noticed there was a raw scraping sensation in my throat.  As I tuned into this response, I was able to contact the pure emotion.  Then I was able to communicate it.

I said: 
 
“My throat is feeling very raw and tender right now.  What you just said made me feel like I have done something wrong.  I feel scared right now. I want to feel on par with you.

My husband was responded by reassuring me that I was wanted and valued.  I was able to take a deep breath of relief and drop the fear I was experiencing.

Words may weave clouds of illusion and confusion.  But they also may pierce right to the heart.   If you share simply what is happening in your body,  it is like an innocent child talking…..

Speaking from your body speaks directly to the body of another person. The message is hard to be misconstrued because it is universal.  Everyone has feelings.  Feelings are no one’s fault.  Feelings just are what they are.

Rather than our financial meeting turning into a two hour train wreck, our repair conversation took two minutes.

Speaking from my body allowed my husband and me to move on to the practicalities of our meeting quickly, to settle on plans and agreements that we both felt good about.  Then to go on to dinner and our evening! Vulnerability leading to connection and productivity.  Whew!

And by the way, we no longer have that rule to not go to bed angry.  Anger is a part of life.  We are not wholly responsible for each other’s emotions.  We are responsible for our own.

I am so grateful to my amazing partner who continues to do his own work.  I am so grateful to my coaches and teachers!
And I am grateful to you for reading these blogs.

Thank you to those of you who have started clicking through and adding comments.  It helps me to know that my words are landing and adding to your life.

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Thank you so much. I truly appreciate you!

Wishing you a beautiful week!

Love is your nature,
-Zoey Wren