I recently worked with a client who asked to me:  How do I know the line between pleasure and sex?  How do I know what is sexual touch or purely pleasurable?  I want to address this question.  It’s a biggie.

As women, we have been socialized away from pleasure. We are oriented toward care taking and watching out for community and family. When pleasure comes our way it can be difficult to receive it. We get distracted with thoughts like:  Is everyone okay? Will dinner be ready? Is my partner ok with this?  Alternately, we don’t let ourselves receive for fear it will turn into sex. Pleasure is a tricky subject.

We have been programmed to turn and look the other direction from pleasure. At the same time sex is sometimes the only place where we truly let ourselves let go.So where is the line between pleasure and sex?


I’m going to give you my best answer. You need to figure out what brings you pleasure.  Then hold your focus there.  And ask for it!

What is sexual to one person may just be pleasurable to another.  And vica versa.  Or not even. When it comes to sex, anything and everything goes. Or doesn’t.  We cannot control what is sexual for another person.  People are different. The trick is to focus on your pleasure!  Then let it become sexual when you say so.

I know that this is a touchy subject.  It brings to bear things like boundaries and consent.  Please contribute your thoughts and responses by clicking on the link below to comment on this blog.  Let’s get the conversation going!

Remember – love is your nature,

– Zoey Wren