Do you want to get better at communicating your desires?  Do you want to be in a relationship where you are really getting your needs met?  Do you want to embody your feminine essence fully?

My girlfriend and I were sitting on the back deck on a summer’s eve last week, drinking iced tea and talking about asking for desires in relationship.    Here is about how our conversation went:

” I never knew how good it was for my partner for me to ask for what I want.”

“Yeah. Me too”

” I’m really seeing how calm he becomes when he knows what I want and gets to give it to me.  Over time he seems more calm just knowing I am asking more and more for what I want.”

“Do you ever notice how at first when you ask he sometimes grumbles, though? ”


“I used to give up when that happened.  I was afraid of rocking the boat.  I felt I needed to walk around on eggshells not to disturb the peace.”

“Me too.  But then I started seeing the rumbling as just noise.  I stopped taking it so personally.  It’s just like starting an engine.  Like a lawnmower or something, it takes a few pulls to get it going.  Then he really doesn’t mind!”

“(Laughter.)…..So true!”

Men are actually grateful and feel so much safer when they are not trying to guess what we want.  They love it when we just come right out and tell them.”

“I know.  Men really have it wired into them to make us happy.  I see it when we visit my mother in law.  He is always so willing to help out and gets to the task right away for her.  It makes him feel good.  I started realizing how she is so clear in asking for what she wants.  And the trick is she tells him why she needs whatever done and why it would make her happy.

“That is the key, isn’t it?  As soon as you share why it would make you happy, something in him responds!”

“So why did it take us so long to figure this out?”

“I think it’s the resentment I had built up because I guess I didn’t believe I could have what I want.  It was hard to ask calmly for example for him to take out the compost because I was angry at all the times he didn’t take out the compost!”

“Yes.  It takes some effort to just start asking calmly and keep asking calmly.  Even if he complains.  I know now that he wants to make me happy.”

“What a relief”

“Yep.  For everybody!”

Does this conversation sound in any way familiar to you?  Give any inspiration?

Love is your nature,
– Zoey Wren

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