This past weekend my partner and I were away at a group retreat in nature. At first we had to wade through some repair and reconnection that we really needed. Then we had a really hot moment in our tent, while we were camping. It inspired me to write this blog.
I’m going to be honest with you. I’ve been going through a libido low for several weeks now. I’ve been dealing with continued stress from living in a new town and all the many changes going on. It makes it a little tough to feel “on top of my game” at times in this line of work. But it also reminds me of the different ups and downs that come with the territory and brings me back into compassion.
It’s always such a relief and cause for celebration when I break back through into hot or delicious sex after a dry spell. So let me share with you what did the trick and what does the trick for many people.
……The naughty factor!
Ok so let me rewind……we were on retreat. We had a 2-hour lunch break. It started to rain so we headed for the hot tub. We had a delightful hot tub in the rain. Then we ran down to the lake and dunked in the refreshingly cold water. It was still raining. We ran back to our tent half naked and dove under the covers together. Now we were fully naked. What a sensual experience!
All of this in itself was tantalizing and fun and yummy. I was already aroused. But what tipped the scales? The naughty factor.
You see then we heard a chime ringing in the distance. It was the chime calling us back to session. We looked at each other with a glint in our eyes. The rest of the event was only 5 minutes, because we didn’t want to really be too late. But it was a crazy yummy romping 5 minutes.
This left me invigorated, energized and glowing. It also left me feeling more connected to my partner. And it gave me energy and heart space to be fully present for the retreat for the rest of the afternoon.
I want to share with you why the naughty factor is such a turn on for so many folks. And then share some tips on how you can notch up the naughty in your sex life while doing no harm.
Why Naughty is Such a Turn On For So Many
Naughty is rebellious. It says “no” when you are supposed to say “yes.” It says “I don’t care” when you are supposed to care. It says “me first” when you are supposed to be focusing on another. It says “just another few minutes” when you are already late.
Naughty is a way of taking power. It is a way of expressing will, of not taking “no” for an answer, of making an executive or a sovereign decision.
Why does this feel so good?
Because there are many ways that we feel victimized in our lives. There are many ways that we feel disempowered in relationship, work, and society. Much of this stems from childhoods where feelings went unheard and hurts went unseen. Where power was enforced and we had no choice. Where something was considered bad or dirty and we want to make peace with it.
As adults, we seek to take back the power we gave away. In lovemaking naughty can be playful, consenting, intentional, and energizing.
So here are 5 ways to notch up the naughty for some sensational sex this summer (without hurting anyone in the process).
How To Bring Some Naughty Into Your Summer Loving
You can adapt these to suit your needs and come up with your own. Being naughty is a great way to feel connected and to have a great time together!
1) Bend time. Linger a little longer in bed. Set a timer for 5 minutes to play even if you don’t have time to play.
2) Tease and anticipate. Set a timer for 30 minutes. No penetration until after the timer rings. Or better yet, decide which one of you is going to give the green light. Keep teasing and suggesting and withholding while the energy builds and builds! *Note: Tying up your partner can make it even hotter!
3) ASPD: Acts of Semi-Public Display. It can feel very naughty and very arousing to make out in public or semi-public. It could be as risque as wearing no underwear to a movie theatre and being touched or touching in the dark. Or it could be having sex where you could possibly seen or found. A kiss in a back alley, public bathroom or closet. Sky’s the limit!
4) Dress naughty. Try wearing something that shows a little more cleavage than usual. Wear a skirt a little shorter than you are comfortable. Throw on some high heels. Show off your legs. Do it for you! For the thrill it gives you. Then take yourself on a lunch date.
Or do an actual role-play. Have your partner meet you for lunch dressed up as someone different. Both of you have different roles, identities and names. Act out a first lunch date as strangers. Back at home, try making love as your character and see what comes out!
5) Undress your partner while they are on the phone. Come up from behind and start unbuttoning their shirt. Try to distract them from their conversation. Kiss their chest, bite their neck, take off their clothes; see if you can get them to get off the phone faster!
Have fun notching up the naughty this summer by trying out these simple suggestions. It just might bring back the juices for you and your partner!
Remember, Love is your Nature!