What I am learning from my #Metoo…and what I want to do…

It has been such a transformational summer. Healing and learning swept into my life in ways I wasn’t expecting. As I sit now on my purple sarong on the sandy beach overlooking the lake, my heart is filled with awe and tenderness.

Only a few years ago I was standing at the top of my stairs in a suburban house near Vancouver. I was thinking that my life and my relationship as I knew it were over. Now I am living in a new town, in a new life, in a new and deeply growing relationship.

It will take me at least a year, probably, to recount this full story. And maybe I will write a book soon. But for now I just want to share that if you have struggled to make sense of your life, to embrace your sexuality, to find the right partner, or to heal from past abuses, YOU ARE SO NOT ALONE!

The part of my story that you have probably not heard is that I was sexually abused when I was 23. Before I was able to properly process and deal with my trauma I got swept up in a new relationship and got married.

Since working as a women’s empowerment coach and conscious sexuality mentor, I have helped several women with sexual abuse and trauma. This summer has been about healing mine.

I did not realize how disempowered and victimized I was by it. I did not realize how deeply it had lodged in my body and mind. I didn’t realize that part of me moved forward in life, but a huge part of me was frozen and locked up. I didn’t want to face the fact that my chronic pain and fatigue was completely connected to this trauma. So I tried to heal it in every other way I could find. It’s a long story…

But the thing I didn’t realize the most is that I couldn’t fully let in the powerful love my husband was showering on me from DAY 1.

It took me coaching several other women who had suffered from sexual abuse and finally a terribly upsetting call from the mom of a teenager this spring who had just been raped, for me to fully wake up to what happened to me; how my own abuse had thwarted my ability to take care myself, to believe in myself, stand up for myself, and operate maturely in a loving marriage.

I knew that part of me was holding back from fully letting in my husband’s love. At the same time I leaned on him to care for me. This created a downward spiral and an enabling pattern/codependency that we were finally able to hack down at the roots this summer.

Most of us keep trauma underground. Because it is difficult to find the right support and resources to move through it and heal it fully and completely. Our society is still quite trauma-informed. Therefore, to try and heal your own can easily trigger someone else’s. 

I am so deeply grateful to the coaches, teachers, and healers in my life. And I am so grateful for my soul sisters who have helped me through some of the most difficult moments in my own healing process. I am so committed to helping other women find their voice, let go of the past, and step into their power.

But even more, I am so excited about what the future brings…

This summer has been a lot about creating safe boundaries for myself and for my life. It has been a lot about saying no. But it has also been a lot about saying yes.

I am saying yes to pleasure. Yes to love. Yes to power. Yes to starting over. Yes!

My partner has taken up the task to meet me in this difficult healing journey. There have been so many times when he could’ve given up on me. But he has continued to say yes as well. In this depth of honesty and vulnerability, he has begun to speak more from his heart, share his emotions, and tune into intuition.

I have always wanted to be 100% in my relationship. I am getting so much closer now. I think I am almost there!

I want to share so much more with you this year. I have been having amazing insights and tracking my own experiences with the power of pleasure to heal trauma. This is really deep work.

So if you are ready for an amazing ride, welcome to my blog!

This is the place to learn about the power of your sensual & sexual nature and how it relates to how you move in the world. Sexuality cannot be left behind if you truly want to thrive.

Women – we can do this!

I’ve got your back!

Love is Your Nature,
– Zoey

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